Enigma?

‘Enigma? A Question of a Personal Nature’ (trg, 04/10/2005 updated)


Those who argue and discuss without understanding the truth are lost amid all the forms of relative knowledge, running about here and there and trying to justify their view of the substance of ego.If you realize the self in your inmost consciousness, it will appear in its purity. This is the womb of wonder, which is not the realm of those who live only by reason.Pure in its own nature and free from the categories of finite and infinite, Universal Mind is the undefiled wonder, which is wrongly apprehended by many.-Lankavatara Sutra
O monks, even if you have insight that is pure and clear but you cling to it, fondle it and treasure it, depend on it and are attached to it, then you do not understand that the teaching is like a raft that carries you across the water to the farther shore but is then to be put down and not clung to.

Enigma: The Question of a Personal Nature?’ (trg, 04/10/2005 updated)

Question(personal) below is my response to some sent regarding my usage of the word ‘enigma’ as well as, but not as often, the rest of my hotmail tag, enigma_bg53@hotmail.com:

I will try to be honest though it is unlikely (sic) that I'll be truly dispassionate in my endeavor at being honest. At the end of this little missive, oxymoronic - yes, you'll find some answers, hopefully, truly to the personal questions, 'What about your children and household(sum of the question)?'

'Enigma'? Because I am that to many people, especially those that think that they know me, for whatever reason, though have never talked with me sufficiently to know that I am always at the proverbial flux, more so, precipice, of life regarding faith, god, life, death and life. Because I choose not to be identified by gender, sex or religious expression, at least in any overt manner. Yes, I do choose to be by a gift in the communion of the Orthodox Christian Church, of whom I give her thanksgiving. I do opening affirm the Credo of the Church. And I do affirm that in knowing God I do not know God, as I might know you, or you me, as I do not know you, or you me. I do know about many things. I pray that for all of that that I do not have any, which says that I do have, pretentiousness in True knowing of God and or you, or you me.

I choose, today, to reject what I consider to be extreme prejudicial ways of expressions in all areas of life. –This sort of categorical statement, I am aware, is unlikely without exceptions in my behavior, my daily practice; as such it is a hopefully hyperbole of purpose and belief concerning my commitment of living this way.- If I hear and or see such extremes, where certain people from certain spheres of society are purported to be less spiritual, human, real, true than others, here I choose to openly reject such openly expressed opinions(Remember, literally we are all 'heretics', meaning simply to have an opinion, just as we are all sectarian at one level or another, meaning to simply to belong to one 'group' or 'sect', just as the early Christians were a 'sect', a 'cult' of the Jewish religion.).

I am probably more closely linked to 'libertarianism' as a political, economic theory by those who have heard me speak at different open mike nights, reading poetry, essays and doing standup. Amongst my 'liberal' friends I often seem to be an arch-conservative, often because I am unwilling to demonize 'fundamentalists' of any sort, mainly because most of this sort are only trying to live faithful to what they believe that they believe. This doesn't mean that I think that I don't have strong or extreme views. I do. I choose to acknowledge that the only time that I am offended by another's views, expressed or not openly, is when I take myself too seriously and or think too highly of my opinions.

By most Christians, and yes - most Orthodox Christians, especially supposedly unique 'adult converts' to the Orthodox Faith, I am seen as a liberal. Why? Because I do not affirm the historicity of the literal-historical approach to either the old or the new testaments. I believe that they are primarily 'stories', in the best sense of the word, like the 'legends' and 'myths' of classical ages gone by. These forms were literary paths to keep in tact the stories of the people and their histories. Like Jesus' 'parables', the stories were told in order to convey both the Truth of something and Truth itself, but the elements were there for the purpose of the story, not there to be the story, or the truth.

Enigma? Christian Enigma? Orthodox? Well, it seems that I still am endeavoring to be such. My apparent 'liberalism' doesn't seem to bother most Orthodox Christians save for the 'adult convert sort', especially those with Evangelical and or fundamentalist lineages. The gracious Bishop, Kalistos Ware, from Oxford, who makes his earthly home in England, could be pigeoned into a supposed 'liberal' place, if we dare allow the most conservative souls, as some like to call themselves, much different than to be Traditional, have their voices to be at the forefront of the Orthodox message to the world, whatever this means. Yet this kindly Bishop and brilliant erudite Christian, perhaps even Mystic in the best sense of this implication, has always had for his spiritual father and advisor the most 'Traditionalist' and 'Athonite' Monk, coming from the Orthodox Christian Traditionalists' Russians. I respect this sort of tension. I do not respect a smooth road. I do not respect leaders, teachers, religious or otherwise, who do not acknowledge that we know little of Truth, we merely express it by attempting to write hymns, poetry, prayers, liturgies, paintings, and the list goes on.

I do not respect the phrase, 'The Church has never erred and or the Orthodox Church has never changed and or developed.' This or any similar sentiment is just that, sentimentality. Worse, it is historically dishonest. Many an Orthodox Christian are, I believe, led astray by such hyperboles which need to be persistently challenged as only one person's opinion and nothing else or more.

Enigma? “bg53’, is the balance of my hotmail tag. I abhor the notion that God is either 'male' and or 'female'. God is neither 'he' or she', God is God. Even the word 'God' comes from pagan terms. 'Elohim', the Hebraism of Egyptian was first the title of the Pagan Pharaohs, Moses giving this plural-singular title to The I AM THAT I AM, that created 'man', 'male and female created he them.' Gender's place has to do with the finite, probably the only world that I'm well aware, though this too might be presumption. Don't misunderstand me, please. I love being a man, and you have no doubt noticed over the years that I truly love and adore women, over and above men, when speaking of Beauty, Love, Adoration, Faith, Love, Hope, amorous delights and more. This is me. I believe this is me by both a general seeming predisposition as well as choice. I have no problem with others of our species that choose, as well as seem to have a certain predisposition, to behold the same as I do, except that they do so from within their own gender of our species. For me, and I know that this is my 'opinion', thus my ‘heresy’, it matters not a bit if people choose to love each other and to care for each other in an exclusive way of living, whether supposedly heterosexual or supposedly homosexual. I believe that both terms are aptly applied to us all of our species, both biologically and metaphorically.

Pedophiles, rapists, murderers, extortionists and so on violate another's choices and or ability to Truly make choices, as do those who practice Bestiality. Some like to throw up this type of 'straw dummy' over against these pressing contemporary issues, to equate love within a consensus of choices within a species that are able to freely choose as the same as our the few from within our species that think it fine to violate animals outside of our people. Here’s a bit of the same, howbeit not so sick, logic: Those that speak loving words to plants are involved in sexual foreplay. Both are absurd. Why? Because neither have anything to do with the other, not because there might not be legitimate issues in either of these absurdities. They are not honest in doing so, either philosophically or from the point of revelation of Truth. One might disagree with another's choices, of course, and we all seem to do so with each other. When we throw stones at apples and oranges because we do not like the other's opinions, as though ours is the correct one, here we cease to be lovers of Truth and give into being lovers of our own perspective of what is right and holy. I could be wrong. Nah. I am at least more correct than most if not all on this matter. Yes. But, as I admit freely, this is my opinion, my heresy, mine, yes mine.

Enigma? I do not understand people's, Christians in particularly, need to demonize, or make to be bigger sinners than other types of sinners, groups of people relative to other groups. If one chooses, as we say, and or one may follow a certain predisposition, whatever this truly means, and they do not 'violate' another's choices and or predispositions, then why waste any time to 'correct' them because you believe their choices and or predispositions to be sinful. Examples from the past of what Christians and Jews believed to be sinful (I reject as dishonest at worse and ignorant at best the notion that Jews and Christians made our collective canons 'purely' by divine revelation. Why? Most importantly, I believe in the Incarnation, that Christ Jesus is both God and Human, Divine-Human, not one above or below the other, not 50/50% or even 100/100%, but God of God, sharing in everything that it means to be the Uncreated, and Human of Humanity, sharing in everything that it means to be the Created. With the Uncreated, stagnation never takes place because of the perpetual nature of Love, though we seem to barely know such through the windows of Iconographic Beautific visions. With Created, stagnation never takes place because we either grow from glory into glory or we degenerate and decompose back into the muck that we were first breathed life, thus giving life to others who choose to breathe and to grow.

Once woman were chattel, property, as were children, cows, dogs as well as all other possessions, slaves were appropriate and the masters was free to discipline them as property like any other property, like other animal species. -- This too was fine, to beat an animal senseless if the master, the owner chose. Or, there’s the Genesis story of Balaam’s Ass, when Balaam thought it appropriate to hit the animal between the eyes in order to get his attention. God spoke to Balaam through the beast and ever since we know that when someone fancies themselves a prophet or prophetess of God, all we need to be reminded is that God is able to speak through anyone’s ass.

Some men had more that one wife, and it was fine. Holy Kings and God-Seers , as the Church in her wisdom calls them, had wives, not merely a wife, and they had concubines, just as other Sovereigns had in their nations in those days. Siblings intermarried. Vegetarianism ruled until after the story of the flood. Then it was ok to eat meat. All human groups sacrificed living, breathing animal species other than their own, and some to their own, to their God or gods. God told his people to kill other people because they were not of their or his people, including innocents, children and otherwise. Isn’t this another means of ‘animal sacrifice’, the sacrificing of living things that have not volunteered to be cooked and consumed?

Blended fabrics were considered an abomination to the Lord under the Law. Vegetarianism=Carnivores, Omnivores=Selective meat-eaters, ie., no pork and others, later any meat, then later fast from all meat and animal by-products. Yet, and this I believe to be extremely important, there is no 'True' vegetarianism or 'True' fasting from animals and their by-products. Why? Whatever we put into our mouths has been processed through the life=death=life=death=life process, ie., every living thing exists through the sacrifice of other living things. We are unable to be anything but 'Truly' omnivores. Consider: Before the 'fall story' death already was part of the bio-chemical, eco-structure of being. We were told by God, Elohim that every plant of the earth is given to us for meat, 'seed yielding seed'.

Again, given our present day of the God-Squads, searching high and, but of course, low for unholy havers’ of sex, remember God's righteous kings had 'concubines', objects for pleasure, just like the rest of the know world's groups of people and their kings. Now, note that no place in all of the old or new testaments was this practice condemned. We Christians way too often, I believe, equivocate about all of these matters. Don't forget that it was ok to be a bigot for God as a Jew, then later as a Christian. How? The whole of the old testament story tells of the Hebrew people's story and their hope of the anticipated Messiah. And at any point that the Hebrew people repent and follow their Elohim, then their God will slay their imprisoners, either by his own hand, like all other anthropomorphisms, or via the hands of his people, his children. Jesus? He too early in his adult ministry as the Messiah of Israel told his disciple to go 'only' to the house of Israel. In both testaments of the Jewish, Christian message, the ultimate goal was and is to ‘Us’, not ‘Them’.

Both women and children had virtually no place within old testament religious life within the temple or later the synagogues. This changed under Jesus radically, upsetting regularly his most devoted disciples. Yet woman remained outside the most intimate places of worship until nearly the end of the twentieth century. Today woman do many of the same things in the Church as only men did just fifty years ago. Yes, this is true in the Orthodox Church too. A hundred years ago you would be hard pressed to find a woman singing in the Orthodox Choir save for a women's monastery. Why? Because according the practice of the Tradition in the context of a rather static gender expression in the Church only 'men' were tonsured as readers, choir directors/leaders/reader leaders, subdeacons, deacons, priests and bishops. Since a woman could not be tonsured, set apart and blessed, to these tasks, absolutely the same argument for the restriction of the Priesthood is solely for men as it is for readers and choir members, they would not have been found in the choirs of the Churches Christ.

Important: I do not necessarily believe that the older and more ancient practice to be something that we should go back to any more than I think that you and my wife and daughters should go back to wearing veils at all times, or even in the Church, or to go back to sitting on the left side of the nave, facing the Theotokos (Greek, literally, ‘God-bearer’) and the men sitting on the right side of the Church, facing the Lord Jesus. I do not believe that it would be sin necessarily to do some of these things either, just as long as all parties were truly free to choose. Otherwise, I believe, then or now, this to be a violation of personhood and being. All I am saying is that The Truth remains True whether the means and directives of all this is followed through the same ...does or does not. This is what I mean by Enigma. I guarantee that no other person has ever been subjected to my missive on the word that like, 'Enigma'.

The only other word that I like better is the Russian word, 'Podvig'.
Enigma? Truth, I do believe. Most often, I believe, we call Truth what is in Truth what we believe to be true, or more true if we'd dare say this phrase of honesty. Again, 'more true'.

My Children, Wife? I have, as you know, been married twice. I have by necessity been placed in the awkward position of being a loving Father of my Children who only 'worshipped' with me every other week. And then, to make matters worse, so to speak, I converted to the Orthodox Church's Faith when the Children from first marriage had already entered the transitions into adulthood. I shared with them what I believed was the Truth just as I have always done, and still do when we get talking about such things. St. Peter's words, inspired by a divine kick in the seat of his pants, and mine too, proving to me that, about myself and my pride, God is able to speak through any ass, rang True then, and they still do today: "God is no respecter of persons (Jews, Gentiles-lit.,Pagan, Christians or otherwise), but hears all who revere him and do righteousness."

"Oh Heavenly King, the Comforter, the Spirit of Truth, who art everywhere and fillest all things; Treasurer of Blessings, Giver of Life, come and abide in us; and save our souls, oh good one." God hears 'all' who want to be heard, period. That's good enough for me. This does not mean that I have been pleased with all of my first Children's' choices in these or other matters. They haven't and are not pleased with all of mine either. These responses are mere phenomena, things that are real to us, each in our own time-space continuums. However they are not The Truth; they are responses to The Truth. Personally, if my present wife would choose other than Orthodoxy this would be her choice. I have no control, nor do I believe that I should. If our Children, one being sixteen plus now, would choose or choose elsewise, I have no idea what I would do other that I hope that I’d I pray that I'd be honest with what I do 'not' know over against what I claim to know. Of course I might yell, scream and humiliate them a bit too. This is my special way of loving my household on some days. It doesn't work well when I use this approach, but it does let them know what I feel. This, my missive proves the axiom, perhaps to my five children, two grandchildren, wife, and yes - the other one, my six Godchildren, five spiritual children in faith as their sponsor, the few spiritual children that I have been granted responsibility, given me by another wiser than any spiritual advisor I have come across in such matters, my dearly beloved friends and those not so near, as especially those who do not like or even do hate me, -- ’God can truly work through, most positively speak through any Ass, of whom I am chief. Now whether what I feel is True or not, that's an entirely different issue. UNTIL NEXT TIME XB - LOVE, INCESSANTLY timothy

-Majjhima Nikaya
“I teach them all the good I can, and recommend them to others from whom I think they will get some moral benefit. And the treasures that the wise men of old have left us in their writings I open and explore with my friends. If we come on any good thing, we extract it, and we set much store on being useful to one another.”SOCRATES
Whatever is not yours, abandon it. When you have abandoned it, that will lead to your welfare and happinesss.-Buddha, "Connected Discourses of the Buddha"
It is better to spend one day contemplating the birth and death of all things than a hundred years never contemplating beginnings and endings.
The eye of clarity is so called because it brings sight to everyone. It enables every single one to enter the uncreated and unconditioned reality, each in his own way.-Prajnaparamita