'I awake' & 'better than happy'

I awake'  timothyrgates,5/18/2017

I awake 

Dawn saying goodnight 

to Dusk,

Sun saying thank you 

to the Moon,

she gave rest.

I awake,

knowing, painfully aware of my mortality. 

I awake,

neither glad to be

here, or there,

Yet, alas, this is the day,

one breath given,

maybe another. 

I awake,

free of judging 

a weather's mood,

feelings change

quicker than breezes,

knowing the one thing I affirm,

I know that I do not know.

it takes prayer, meditation, breathing and sitting minutes, confession, therapy, medication, kinetic energy expended, family, friends, 

faith, honest acknowledgment that sometimes I have none, and playtime, oh yes! -

with my Zen-boy, and

this allows me to be the normal that I am. 

I awake,

still hundreds of moving thoughts, 

Yet, I awake,

today knowing,

like St. Anthony's,

"Praise those in the grave,

curse them the next day, 

see the difference,"

what matters today,

as Dusk meets Dawn,

the Sun kisses 

the Moon, is 

nothing less, nothing more --

I awake. 

_________________________________

'Better than Happy' timothyrgates,5/17/2017

born too early,

never understood why I made it,

or why I was allowed,

waking up since four

not happy to be here, still. 

five times I was surprised,

wee ones smiled into me,

moments of joy,

whispers, "see, it's okay to be glad,"

I awoke, again,

two little ones, from the two oldest,

and I smiled, again. 

fell asleep, dreaming,

little guy, Queen's first,

woke me out of my dusk,

out of left field, 

I fell in love, again -

didn't know this

didn't ask for it

didn't pray to know this. 

Jesus may love me,

even at three months early,

red and yellow,

black and white,

yet rest, aloof,

only the blue-eyed hoary-haired one made me grin. 

"Papa," heals,

better than happy. 

soon I'll say hello to a new person,

awake, again. 

and, smiling with the universe. 

(don't tell anyone,

don't know what happy feels like,

yet, if this moment is it,

then it's better.)

'one.thing I think you'd like'

'one thing I think you'd love' trgates,5/22/2017 ***Memory's Love 
yesterday,
timelines are funny
(perhaps not),
"time to go,"
to which,
"I agree, Mother,"
2:30, awakened,
but it wasn't yesterday. 
it was today
it is today,
it's morning. 
this passing duet,
without a spoken refrain spoken,
yet, like then,
it's said. 
one thing I think you'd love
one thing I like to think you see,
that look you saw in your father's eyes, grandpa,
when he looked at me,
that look in his eyes,
when I look at one shared with me,
like you shared me with him. 
birds are singing good morning,
dusk's dawn joins in,
and I see behind my eyes,
funny (sort of),
perhaps both of you,
blue eyes twinkling,
nod at my brown ones, 
without a word, noting,
"it's nice to see that he sees, too." 

***Memory Eternal, three years, Mother 

'John died' & 'i have met Angels'

'John died'         1980 into presence Memory Etrrnal's love. Love. timothyrgates,2014

John died,
murdered by another of our species.
John
sang, preached, protested
chanted, intoned, sometimes yelled-----
learned
Peace, hope, and love
are lived.
John opined,
"Don't believe in death;
I think we get out of one car
and get into another."
I miss my Grandfather more,
yet I miss his voice too.
Maybe they're singing
"Imagine,"
driving a Model A.
Maybe not.
Maybe not knowing
is their sweet stream's ripple?
Then I recall,
breathe a refrain:
looking for angels and gods
goddesses and fairies
when right before our eyes,
if we dare,
we'd see humanity's divinity.
here, in your eyes I behold -
i see.

      "Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly; devils fall because of their gravity. "— G. K. Chesterton

 'i have met angels'          timothy r gates, 12/2/2012

walking
i do not always see
or stop to perceive.
i have met angels,
at least I think so,
while asleep - while awake.
children are easy,
only seeing what they see
no need to know,
damn, I love their perceptions
when they go on in storytelling I hear myself,
with my illiterations and thoughtful exceptions.
i have met angels:
wee ones who shouldn't have hope, love
hoary haired ones not hearing clearly, listening
a friend crying at my hospital bedside, praying
worn out searchers, knowing
unknown soup kitchen servers, loved
candle trimmers and incense lighters, ready
alone mums nursing in public because there's no house, at home
children playing with strangers - children too, hoping.
Angel feathers fall to the ground,
unnoticed save for these dancing with them
Angel wings often melt and fall to the ground,
but they're still Angels
Angels soar,
except when they tumble downward
Angels fly, again,
when another one below joins their flight.
i have met angels.
at times i've beheld them and said,
"Thank you,"
they nod, knowing i'm not too good at flying.